~twylajoyful~

First all of I wish all you moms a very Happy and Blessed Mother's Day. There is no greater honor than to be a mom....there is no greater blessing than our children.

I am so thankful God allowed me to be a mom. And through all my mistakes and failures, my kids are perfect. Maybe not perfect to some, but to me they are perfection. They have taught me so much more than I ever taught them. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for my beautiful girls. I love you Stephanie, Jordan, and Courtney to moon and back!!!

Also, I want to say how thankful I am for my mother. She has been there for me when no one else has. She has had her share of heartaches in life as well, but she still tries to stand by all her family. I love my mom with all my heart and hope she has the best Mother's Day ever!

I can't let Mother's Day go by without saying how grateful I am to my Mamaw, who has been with me through thick and thin. She has stood by every family member and is the strength of our family. She will be 92 in August and I love her dearly.

As most of you know, I have been going through some challenges. At times these past few months it has seems unbearable as this storm I'm in has tossed me side to side. I have struggled and fought the winds that have come against me, trying to solve each issue in how I thought would be the best. I have cried, prayed, gone from and sad to mad and back again - still ending up crying myself to sleep every night and asking God, "how much longer will this storm last?" I have had a loneliness that I really cannot describe - a feeling of total hopelessness and despair. I have sank into such a depression that at times I didn't see any way out. There have been moments when I thought my mind and my heart wouldn't be able to take the sadness any longer. So many thoughts about how I had made mistakes, and ways to make it better......only at every attempt seemingly making things worse.

I only became more hurt, sad, and invisible. Feeling invisible may seem like a small thing, but being invisible to those you love can hurt so much. It feels like you're screaming at everyone and saying, "Please help me, please take this pain away. Please just say you know how I feel....please just say something!!" But it seems no one sees you or hears you. Everyone has there own problems - they have their own life and don't want to be bothered.

Then, a couple of days ago God allowed me to hear a message (actually two messages from different people, both having the same meaning). It spoke to my heart, and I have listened to it over and over. It has changed my way of thinking. I have been struggling and fighting against the winds in this storm I've been going through. The wind is blowing me one way and I'm trying to go another way - the way that makes sense to me and the way that in my mind will make my life better. Well, actually one day I want to go in one direction, and the next day another. - not really knowing what is best for me. I just wanted to do something to get out of my situation - out of my pain.

I was reading in Acts in reference to the message I listened to. In Acts 27:15 it says this, "The ship was caught in the storm and couldn't be turned into the wind. So we gave in to it, and it carried us along." They decided not to fight the wind anymore, but let the wind carry them along. I knew God was speaking to me through this verse and this message. I felt such a peace come over me. Wow...not to have to worry and struggle against the wind - not to have to worry about proving my worth to anyone - not trying to get anyone to love me or not leave me - just complete surrender to God and let him have full control and take me where he wants me. No more asking why did this person leave and trying to figure out what I did to cause it or why I wasn't good enough. I have given it to God to work out and let the winds of this storm take me where He wants them to.

The struggle is so draining. Fighting for love and acceptance is so draining, because none of us do everything perfect. We all make mistakes and we need to learn those who love us will be there for us and stick with us just as we have them. If they don't, then we don't need to struggle against it. Let them go. God will take us where He wants and He will place those in our life that He wants there. Our destiny is not determined on who walks out of our life.

So I've decided to let the winds take me where I need to be, not struggle against the wind to get where I think I need go. God has put it in my heart to be there for others. I don't know how I can do anything for anyone, but I can pray. I can encourage. I will do whatever I can where I am until God takes me to a higher level. I am determined to not focus on my problems, but to be a help to others.

Most everything in my life is gone. Nothing in my life is as it was before, so I will take this time to give myself completely to God and His plan for me. I will not look back with sadness for what I have lost. But I will look to the future for the good things God is going to put back into my life. I can't remember a time when I did videos or wrote on my blog or wrote any description about myself that I didn't say that my family was the most important thing to me. And it still is. I so believe in God's restoration power, and I believe He can make all things new. But if He sees fit to not restore my marriage, He will keep me in peace and make my life full and happy.

I have made it my priority to speak positively and look to my future with hope. I will envision good things for my life. I will let the winds of this storm blow me in the direction I need to go knowing He has good thoughts toward me and good plans for my future.

The same for you...if you're going through a storm today, Don't get discouraged and fight the winds. Let God guide you and take you were He wants you. Rest in him knowing you don't have to know why everything happened like it has. Why someone has hurt you or left you, or why someone lied to you or betrayed you. God knows all and if we keep in peace He will lead us to our destiny safely. He will give us double for our trouble and we will be better off than before.

Do something good for someone. A good time would be Mother's Day....especially your mom. But also for someone who may not have anyone to make their day special. Look around everyday and find someone hurting. Offer a smile and a kind word of encouragement. It may not seem like much, but it will mean so much to those who feel alone and without hope. Let the winds of your storm blow you in the course God has chosen for you...there just may be someone there God wants you to help. Or maybe God has placed someone there to help you. God is faithful, and if we trust Him, He will give you divine direction.