My Thoughts Today - Posted on Facebook

Still looking for a job. Being a stay-at-home mom most my life isn't counted as "job experience" so much. Even though I went back to college to earn some degrees - it doesn't seem helpful. Way too much reality for me today. I didn't plan on being homeless at this age. I planned on growing old with my husband and enjoying my grandchildren. It was enough that my marriage fell apart in January, but on top that my baby girl turned 18 and moved out. I miss everything about being a wife and mom. I miss cooking for my family...making grocery lists and meal planning. I miss watching TV in bed with my husband and laughing at the same sitcoms we had watched a thousand times. I miss the way our home always smelled..the scent of candles burning. And even as I go through our things today for a yard sale, I can still smell the scent of our home on them and it makes me cry. I miss how even after being married for almost 20 years I still would get that excited happy feeling when it got time for my husband to come home from work. I miss every Friday going to our favorite Mexican restaurant and always ordering the same thing...me and Gary a Burrito California and Court always got grilled chicken with fries instead of rice. I miss shopping with Court and her asking me which outfit I like the best. I miss us watching Lifetime movies and eating snacks. I miss Court telling me her plans for the future with excitement. I miss my baby girl. I know I need to move on, but so much of my life is tied to these memories. And now I have to deal with being thrown into a world that I'm so unfamiliar with. An unorganized world with all my clothes in boxes..not organized how I love them in my closet. Sleeping on a couch (which I'm thankful for...please don't misunderstand) instead of my bed with sheets smelling like Gain and all my fluffy pillows. I fight everyday to find my place in life. I start the day asking God to give me strength to trust His plan. I go to sleep listening to messages of encouragement. I am determined to not feel sorry for myself and know the sun will shine again. But sometimes I just feel the need to express myself when I feel overwhelmed. I just wish life could go back to the days we were all so happy...but wishing does no good at all.